A baby picture of you from 2007!

Here's a baby picture of you I found! Though I don't remember the exact date, but it was taken sometime in spring or summer of 2007, the year you were born. It is in the living room at our house in Crescent City, Calif.

You loved sitting and playing in this activity center - it had like a 100+ different toys on it and you could spin around in it so that you could play with different ones.

You were not a big one for the play pen behind it. You just didn't like being in it and would cry when put in, so we almost never used it. You were pefectly content to sit on the rug in the living room and play.

The swing next the play pen also wasn't one of your favorite things. I think you just didn't like to be cooped up!

Baby picture along Pacific Ocean

Stumbled across this great baby picture of you and had to share it! The picture was taken in September 2007 when we lived in Crescent City, Calif. We traveled north into southwestern Oregon and took this in the very early evening while driving by the Pacific Ocean. It's looking south with California behind us. You always had a binkie in your mouth, it seemed - and always demanded that you have one handy! It got to the point where we tied a string to it and clipped it to whatever you wearing so that you could put it in and take it out whenever you liked!

My first email to you

I finally received your email address from your mother and sent ny first email to you. Just in case in don't receive the email, I've included it here for you to read.

Dear Kieran,

I am so glad that we finally are able to talk with one another. First, I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the whole world, that I have always loved you, and that I always will, no matter what. Next, I also want you to know that I miss you very much and think about you every day and all the time. I never wanted us to be apart and cannot wait to see you again. And lastly, that is the good news – we should be able to spend time together very soon, hopefully within the next couple of weeks.

The picture I included with the email.

Since we last saw one another four months ago, I have moved out of our condo in Palmdale to Wisconsin. You might remember when we used to go to the library together and looked at the globe of how I would point out where England and California was. I also always pointed out where Minnesota and Wisconsin were, noting that is where your mommy and I grew up. I live very close to you in Wisconsin so we can get together as much as possible.

In a few months, I hope to take you to the farm where I grew up in Wisconsin so you can meet your Grandma and Grandpa, who you used to talk to on the phone. They haven’t seen you since you were a little baby and can’t wait to have fun with you again. Your cousins Bryan and Rebekah and your Uncle Chris and Aunt Susie also can’t wait to see you again. Rebekah is in kindergarten, just like you.

I want you to know that I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see you off on your first day to kindergarten or to find out at the end of the day your thoughts and feelings about this first big day in your new school. You’ll learn a lot in kindergarten, and it’ll be a lot of fun for you, of that I’m sure. You’ll have the opportunity to make new friends, some of whom may last a lifetime. Be sure to get lots of sleep and to always eat a good breakfast before heading off to school – that’ll always make the day go better!

I would love for you to show me your kindergarten classroom and introduce me to your teacher and all of friends soon. There are so many things I can’t wait to talk to you about, fun places I can’t wait to take you, great games I can’t wait to play with you, and great books I can’t wait to read to you.

So tell me a little about your life these past few months. What is your bedroom and house like where you live? What are your new favorite toys to play with? What TV shows do you now like to watch? What is your teacher’s name and the names of your friends? What do you and your friends like to do together for fun? What is your favorite part of kindergarten? What kinds of things are you learning in school? What exciting places have you been to since moving to Minnesota? What would you like to do again when we get together?

I’ve included a picture of us together so that you have a photo of me. It was taken last Easter in Lancaster at the Easter Egg Hunt. I’ll always remember how you offered to share your Easter eggs with another little boy who was only able to pick up a couple of them. I was very proud of you!

I miss you so much, Kieran, and can’t wait to see you again. Hopefully, that will be in just a couple of weeks. When we do get together, I promise we’ll have lots of fun, just we always do whenever we spend together. I can’t wait to hear from you, so write back soon!

Love,

Daddy

Remember going to Fleet Week in S.D.?

Kieran in the Captain's chair.

A year ago today we toured a Navy ship and got to play around with a bunch of fun Marines gear during the Fleet Week Big Bay Family Festival in downtown San Diego.

 

The Navy ship tour was a little boring for both of us, but you did get to play with some of the stuff on a real, active duty Navy ship, including sitting in the captain's chair on the bridge (see the picture at right). You also look a little tired in the photos - no doubt because we had so much fun the day before, I think at Disneyland.

 

San Diego is a big Navy town with a base there and a major Marine base to the north on the way to Los Angeles.

 

Afterward, we went over the maritime museum and played on the submarines and an old sail ship (the Star of India) that had a kid's play area featuring a model pirate ship. You always loved to go to the the maritime museum (I'll be sure to post some photos of that in another entry).

 

Here's a whole bunch of pictures from our experience at Fleet Week!

Meeting your (and my) grandparents

George and Ivis Mueller

I'm so happy for you, Kieran, that you will grow up getting to know your grandparents. Both sets of my grandparents had died before I was born, so I grew up without them. I guess I didn't really notice that something was missing from my life until I got to elementary school and started hearing all of the great stories that my classmates told about their grandparents.

I was fortunate enough to have a couple of sets of aunts and uncles who served in the role of grandparents for me, though, and for that I am very grateful. On my dad's side were his oldest sister and her husband, who also were my godparents (All these years later, I must say that my aunt/godmother was very similar to Jane in behavior and outlook on life.). On my mother's side were her aunt and uncle, George and Ivis Mueller; my mother actually lived with them for a couple of years when she was growing up (Ivis, or "Auntie I" as we called her, passed away a few years ago but everyone else is still alive).

We always visited both sets of aunts/uncles at least once a month. Sometimes with my mother's aunt and uncle, we'd go two or three weekends a month, a for a while, we went to visit my godparents almost every day...that's a story of compassion on the part of my parents that I'll have to tell you about one day.

I can't wait to introduce you to my parents, my godparents, and to Uncle George. It will happen very soon, I promise!

Remember playing Beep! in the car?

One of our favorite games to play in the car when we lived in Palmdale was "I Spy “Beep!”This was a variation of the classic car trip “I Spy” game.

Looking out the window, one of us in the car would select an object that is commonly repeated – a green sign if on the freeway, a light post, a blue car – and say “Beep!” whenever the car passed it. You then would call out what you thought was saying “Beep!” for.

Usually that meant lightpoles, green signs, or a certain colored car.

I can't wait to play it and lots of other car games again with you!

A bit of advice: Practice Forgiveness

Throughout your life, Kieran, people will give you cause to be angry - some will be dishonest, wome will cheat you, some even will betray you. You can spend years thinking about why they did this. Such years are wasted time, though. It is best to forgive and to move on.

By "forgive" I do not mean to naively trust so you may be taken advantage of again. Instead, I mean to accept that what they have done is because of their own weaknesses - moral, emotional, spiritual, perhaps even physical. Perhaps if their lives had taken a different course years ago, they would not have wronged you or others as just have. And perhaps in the years ahead they will realize their weakness and strengthen their moral, emotional or spiritual fiber.

In the meantime, you must not let your anger and sense of hurt over their actions to rule you. You can empower yourself by forgiving them.

With that, my son, let give you some quotations about "forgiveness" to mull over and hopefully guide you:

"This is certain, that a man that studieth revenge keeps his wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well." - Josiah Bailey

“…one who was ‘forgiven little, loves little.’” - W.P. “Ab” Abercrombie

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." - Les Brown

"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when is foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury." - Confucius 

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe 

We finally get to see and communicate with one another!

Good news, Kieran! My attorney and I had a court hearing yesterday morning.

The court ordered that I be able to visit you once a month with the opportunity for new visits. We'll get to meet at Genesis II, a center in Minenapolis. There's no word yet on exactly when the meeting will take place, but if I have not heard by Monday, I shall follow up.

I also get to send you an email once a week. Your mother will have to set up an email for you, read it to you, and then type your reply to me. There's no word yet on exactly when we can start emailing one another, but if I have not heard by Monday, I again shall follow up. There's really no reason we couldn't start emailing one another today, after all.

I'm really looking forward to seeing you again! We have a lot of catching up to do.

Decorating your new room

Went shopping this weekend with your grandma and purchased some items for our new house. I'm gettting excited about making the purchase and decorating the place the way I've always wanted my home to look; in the past, I either was just out of college and so had no money to outfit a home or I was living with someone else and had to compromise with their tastes - not that I ever disliked any of those mutual design decisions, but I always had to go with my second choice on everything.

I'm waiting to buy anything for your room, though - I want you to have a say in how you decorate it, such as the bedspread and posters and bathroom fixtures (yes, there's a half bath for you - sink, toilet, shower stall). We'll have lots of fun looking for stuff and decorating it.

Your nursery was a Classic Pooh and very cute. But it mainly was decorated to please your mother and me. I have a few of the items from the nursery and some pictures of it packed away. When we lived in the green house in Lancaster, your room had Star Wars decor and was red, white and blue. Jane and I were going to decorate your room at the Palmdale condo in football decor; she had picked out (and even purchased) this wonderful bedspread, lamp and other items, but we all know how that turned out.

Anyway, I'm thinking football again - except you had asked for an NFL helmet design. But I'm wide open to whatever you might like. And if you can;t decide, I may go with a surfer look! :)

My latest effort to see you again

Tomorrow is a big day for us, Kieran. My attorney and I are heading back to court for a hearing so we can see one another again.

We're asking for: the right to visit one another; the right for me to call you by telephone each night; that your mother write a weekly email updating me on your health and schooling.

Usually the court's goal is to reunite children with their parents; those who've written the law understand that families are important in people's lives. There are laws, though, to protect children who've been abused that result in families staying apart; unfortunately, sometimes angry people misuse those laws to keep children and their parents apart. In the long run, the court system typically recognizes this misuse, so say strong - time is on our side, and we will prevail.

In my next entry, I'll tell you how it all turns out. My fingers are crossed!

Have you made any good friends?

Now that you're off to kindergarten, I'd like to ask about your friends. You've probably made some while in daycare or playing around the neighborhood; once in school, young boys and girls have a tendency to quickly gather together in groups of like-interested children. What are their names? What are they interested in? What kinds of things do you like to do together?

I remember my own father asking me the same question when I first went off to kindergarten. I recall being a little anxious about the question, as if it were some measure of my worth as to whether or not I'd made friends or not with other children.

But I don't mean to make you feel anxious. Now that I'm older and a dad, I understand that my father wasn't judging me but simply taking an interest. Just as I once did, you're closing on a point in life when your friends' ideas and perspectives will become more important to you than your parents' views and opinions; it's a natural part of growing up. So knowing who are your friends tells me if I did a good job or not raising you - if you've selected friends who are good to you and keep you from getting into trouble, then I've done my job well; if you've chosen friends who are mean to you and get you into trouble, then I've done poorly. Knowing who your friends are isn't a measure of your worth - it's a measure of mine!

So, tell me about your friends...

Your favorite foods through the years

As we grow older, the kinds of foods we like change. When I was a little boy your age, I loved grape juice but now I don't like it all and prefer orange juice.

What kinds of foods did you like growing up? Here were some of your favorites from before you entered kindergarten: hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, apple juice, string cheese, squeezable yogurt, M&M's plain, Subway sandwiches (just the meat and cheese!), mint chocolate chip ice cream, lasagna, tiramisu, York Peppermint Patties, sugar cookies, potato chips, corn dogs, hamburgers.

One food you definitely disliked was peanut butter and anything containing nuts! You'd actually grimace whenever you thought something might contain nuts.

My favorite foods are shrimp, scallops, lobster, pizza and cashews. For beverages, I like coffee, Coca-Cola and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

What are your favorite foods?

Do you reall your bunny Logs?

You and Logs in Mojave
Desert, March 2011.

When you were a toddler, you won a bunny rabbit at the Poppy Festival in Lancaster. He was your best companion by far, always carried around and in bed with you. About a year or so later, you found at some store an identical but shorter and smaller bunny. You begged me to buy it for you, and I did.

You named the new stuffie Logs, and that bunny became your best pal, always carried around and in bed with you. I'm not sure why you named it "Logs"; it might have been misheard name of a clone trooper on "Star Wars: The Clone Wars", I think, but Logs stuck.

You then renamed the bigger bunny "Log's Daddy"! I was very flattered by that! Log's Daddy stayed with me in San Diego and always had a reunion with Logs when you visited on weekends.

I'm not certain what happened to either bunny in the various moves we made. I'm betting you still have Logs, though!

Why you should go to college

As you begin school this week, you're starting a long journey in your formal education. I hope that I've already instilled in you that you'll go to college, but just in case years from you you must ask the question "Should I go to college?" and I'm not there, my answer is "Yes!"

I can give you all of the tried and true reasons to go to college, such as "You'll earn more money with a college education"; "You can't find a good job without a college education"; or "The girls alone are worth it!" But really the main reason to go to college is to take a few years to explore the world in depth and by doing so to learn about yourself.

We never really stop growing as individuals, but college can give you lots of different experiences - through what you read, by meeting other people, via exploring all that you can learn through the arts - that'll you'll never get anywhere else, especially once you start working and raising a family. These experiences will help you answer lots of difficult questions about ourselves, such as "Who am I?"; "What's my purpose?"; and "What do I really want to do in life?"

You may not find all the answers, but the journey an educational environment like college offers will help you come closer to figuring it all out. So give it a try - I bet you'll enjoy it!

Dad's favorite TV show - 'Star Trek'

Spent a little time talking with your Grandma today (Who can't wait to see you by the way - she took care of you every day for several months when you were a baby and your mother stayed with them.), and she read to me some "Star Trek" trivia questions that appeared in one of her magazines. I got 1 out of 2 right but dispute the veracity of the second question!

Anyway, if you don't already know, "Star Trek" is my favorite TV program. You enjoyed watching the cartoons versions of it and The Original Series (The ones with Captain Kirk) while a toddler and in preschool). For a while, you even had each of the action figures fromt he series!

I watched "Star Trek" ever since I was your age (five) and really got hooked when the cartoons came on the air - I was probably in first grade when that happened. Of course, the show was cool in that it offered all kinds of action and cool monsters and neat gadgets. But I also really liked the adventure of traveling to new and exotic locations - one of the most interesting "planets" that I always wanted to visit as a kid was filmed at Vasquez Rocks County Park - where we did lots of hiking when we lived in California!

But what I liked most about the show was its philosophy that people could get along and work together out of mutual respect for one another. The Enterprise crew were noble people who came in peace and only wanted to learn about places and cultures they encountered. They defended a civilization where people were equal, intellectual and just.

Do you still watch "Star Trek"? I would love to watch it with you (and introduce you to Grandma, too!).

Wish I could be there for first day of kindergarten

This week you likely began kindergarten, Kieran, and I want you to know that I'm sorry I wasn't there to see you off on your first day or to find out at the end of the day your thoughts and feelings about this first big day in your education. My not being there was not my choice; I fought in the courts to be able to see you earlier this summer but was denied because of lies told about me. I am continuing to fight, however, through the courts for us to be together and have a good attorney now who should be able to reunite us at long last.

The first day of kindergarten may not be something you remember, but it certainly is an important day. As a news reporter, I covered the first day of kindergarten a few times, even interviewing the children. It perhaps was more of an emotional day for the parents dropping off their children, as mom and dad finally realize their child is taking his first real flight from the nest.

You'll learn a lot in kindergarten, and it'll be a lot of fun for you, of that I'm sure. You'll have the opportunity to make new friends, some of whom may last a lifetime. Be sure to get lots of sleep and to always eat a good breakfast before heading off to school - that'll always make the day go smoother!

Soon I'll be able to see you again, and when I do, I want you to show me your kindergarten classroom and introduce me to your teacher and all of friends. Okay? Okay!

Watching traffic at the playground together

Here's a journal entry from mid November 2009 about climbing the playground rocks at Lancaster City Park:

My fingers grab hold of a niche in the hard fiberglass rock, just behind the heel of your small feet. Children's laughter and gleeful screeches bound behind us. We reach the rock's summit, and you pat the rock for me to sit next ot you. Silently, we face the freeway beyond the park's soccer field. The rock's pebbeled surface leaves impressions in the pads of my fingers.

"Eighteen wheeler!" you suddenly shout, pointing at the freeway.

I glance up, catch the tail of a semi-trailer zomming out of my view.

"Another eighteen wheeler!" you say as one zips past going in the other direction. A silent beat. "Garbage truck!" you holler.

"There goes an ambulance," I respond.

"No lights on," you say.

"It must be going back to the fire station."

Then barely before I finish, you shout, "SUV!"

Our exchange goes on like this for a while, each pointing out to the other every fuel truck, motorcycle, bus and police car that passes. All the while your sidle closer to me. A lull in the traffic leaves us sitting quietly next to one another.

"Would you like to go now?" I ask.

You shake your head.

"Do you want to play on the slide or the jungle gym?"

You shake your head again.

"What would you like to do then?"

Your cheek presses against my chest. "Stay here."

Your name and photo appear on blog!

The blog Indirect Observations gave a positive review to my latest book, “Hikes with Tykes: Games and Activities” on Monday day. In doing so, it ran a picture of the book's cover, which has you on it, and some background information about us and all of the hikes we've done over the years.

The blog also ran a picture of the author's son, a little boy who looks to be your age and dressed in his wildnerness explorer hat even looked a bit like you. The author wrote a very nice paragraph about how she and her son tried one of the games in the book and with great results! I guess the fun we had together is something other parents and their children also love to do!

Hopefully in another week or so I'll have all of this court stuff resolved so we can be together once again - and then have all kinds of fun once more!

First time you ever enjoyed popcorn

You might remember this story that I used to tell you about when you were a baby - no more than nine or 10 months old - about when I had made popcorn one evening. I sat in my lap, snug against my left side, as I watched television with a bowl of hot buttered popcorn tucked against my right side.

Once I started eating the popcorn, you sniffed the air and looked at me with this facial expression that said, "Can I have some, too?"

Because you didn't have any teeth yet, I was worried that you might choke on it, so I broke off a bit of the popcorn and placed it in you mouth. You sucked on it and had this look on your face that said, "Hmmm! This is good!"

After maybe half a minute, once all of the butter and salt had been sucked off the bit of popcorn, you spit it out! Patooie! Then you looked at me again with this expression that said, "Can I have some more?"

So I gave you another bit. And after sucking off all of the butter and salt, you spit out the popcorn bit again!

You must have done that for the next 10 minutes until you were all full and didn't want anymore!

Your sand toys through the years

As I promote my new book, which contains a poem set at Ventura Pier, I began to think of all of our great visits to that beach and the sand toys you had. You're always in my thoughts, it seems, no matter what I'm doing.

Your first sand toys weren't meant for the beach at all but for the big sand pits at the local playgrounds. The Santa Clarita park near where we lived when you were a year old had a great sand pit to play in around a huge castle-like play equipment. most of the other other parks had good sand pits, too, though of varying quality.

We mostly took our sand toys to the beach, though - lots of shovels, buckets, and a few plastic trucks that we could build roads for. There also was this great colorful toy that you could dump sand into and it would go through a funnel turning a wheel below it.

The picture on this page shows you in March 2012 at Ventura city beach with the Ventura Pier in the background. These were the last sand toys I purchased for you. I had forgot to bring our sand toys because I'd been moving stuff to our new condo, so we stopped at Target and picked up these!

Remember our R2 Trouble game?

Probably your favorite game to play as a preschooler was R2 Trouble. It had an R2D2 in the popmatic center where the dice was, and if R2 was standing after you popped it, you got to go again. The pieces also had little stickers of Clone Wars characters on them.

Because of your age, I had to simplify the rules for Trouble. For example, you didn't have to roll a six to go to start; you could go anytime you wanted.

The big problem we had with the game was that you didn't like when I landed on one of your pieces, sending you back to start over. So I made a rule that so long as we agreed not to send each other back to start, we couldn't move our piece on top of the other's. Sometimes, though, you couldn't resist sending one of my pieces home, and though I had ask to reconsider because that meant I could then do the same to you, you'd still send me back to start. Boy did you ever get mad, though, when I then did the same to you!

Because of the rules, the game really just became a race to see who could roll the highest numbers to get our pieces home first. Despite that, the game was a good way to teach you how to count, about the same rules of game playing, and learning how to deal deal with losing and adversity.

Later, as you learned how to use a scissors, you'd cut up pictures of Clone Wars action figures and tape them to the pieces so that we'd have new sets of characters to play with!

Jobs your dad has held

While sprucing up some of my websites about my background (important to do because it's information that people interested in hiring me as an editor often look at), I thought you might like to know what kind of jobs I've held. You can check out my resume online at anytime, but that just really lists the places I've worked.

Growing up, I worked on my parents' dairy farm. I milked cows and generally took care of the animals. I didn't do much field work; my dad and brother (your Uncle Chris) typically preferred to do that while my mom and me liked the animals.

In my junior year of high school, I joined the Army National Guard, which I stayed in until 1997. I served in an infantry unit, where I handled a number of different weapons from grenade launchers to machine guns. I rose to the rank of sergeant.

In college, I studied to be a journalist and a teacher (grads 7-12). Upon graduation, I worked as a reporter for a daily newspaper. After three years, though, I made a career change and went into teaching. I taught English and journalism, primarily the former, to grades 7-12, but mainly to eighth and ninth graders.

After seven years of teaching, I went back into journalism, working as a copy desk chief (we proofread and design the newspaper), as a editorial page editor (writing the newspaper's editorials), and as a managing editor (I headed both a weekly and a small daily newspaper). I also was the manging editor of a suite of business magazines in San Diego for a while.

After newspapering, I started my own business, which is what I do now: editing and proofreadingother people's books and helping them get publish. I also research and write my own books (mainly about hiking and writing), but I've also penned a book of poetry and a novel (both of which are coming out this autumn at the time I write this entry).

Do you like to write? What kind of job do you want to have when you grow up?

Journal entry from Nov. 10, 2009

A few days ago I wrote an entry about you taking a bath - well, I found this old journal entry from Nov. 10, 2009, in my journals (the actual event happened a few days earlier):

As the water fell from the faucet swirling into the pool below, you placed bath toys onto the tub's side, delicately examining each one as if it were some priceless ancient artifact. There is a monkey in a life raft, a rubber train engine, a plastic sailboat. Bubble bath clings to the monkey's face, and your eyes pause on it for a long moment, and a finger wipes off the foam. Your eyes suddenly brighten as you grin. You dip your hand into the foam-covered water and swooping up a mound of bubbles, pat them against your chin. Two fingers push some of the bubbles up around the mouth until you have a goatee of your own, white and fizzing. You gaze at your reflection in the bathtub faucet, let out a gleeful laugh, and continue to place the toys upon the rub's rim, the bubbles upon your face fizzing.

Journal entry about you hearing the wind

Here's another journal entry I wrote on Oct. 31, 2009, about you; the events described occurred a few days earlier, on Oct. 19 or 20:

The wind blew fiercely, so much that it drew your attention just when I hoped to put you down for an afternoon nap. For several minutes, you stared into the empty space between my lap and the ceiling, then you sat up, tucked yourself against my side, listened to the chimney flue rattle and the backyard gate jangle. On occasion, the gusts even pressed the picture window in with a whump! But you heard more than this, I suspect, for your ear lay against my heart, it going lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub with each rise and fall of my chest, and soon you fell asleep.

What your dad does for a living

The thought crossed my mind that you might wonder what I do all day for work (Sometimes I wonder myself!). Well, I edit and write all day.

Most of my income is made by editing other people's writing. They send me their novels, nonfiction books, short stories, dissertations, academic papers, letters, legal documents, website text and more, which I proofread (correcting for spelling, punctuation, capitalization and grammar errors), comment on, specifically about the content (such as the story's plot and characters if a novel), and coach them on their writing style. I mostly do novels. In fact, you can go to my Inventing Reality Editing Service blog and see the covers and read plot summaries of all kinds of books that I've edited and that have gone on to be published.

I also write a lot, mainly my own stuff. Every day I pen blog entries about hiking and writing, which then are turned into books. I also write a little on the side, mainly novels and short stories, but I've also got a book of poetry published (or is about to be published as I write this entry to you). Currently, I have seven books planned for publication, six of which should come out during the next year (a novel, three books about writing, and two books about hiking).

I work mainly out of my house on a computer. In addition, I spend a lot of time in coffee shops working from my laptop, as being by yourself in a house all day with no one around can drive you a little batty after a while!

I stay quite busy - at any given moment I have three or four books that I'm editing, and as you can see from above I have a lot of books I'm writing as well. But I love what I do, and the income is more than sufficient to keep me going and ensure that I have plenty to spend on you when we are together (and we'll be together soon again, trust me).

Remember your drum set?

One of the many things I wanted to do for you as a parent was expose you to as much of the world as possible, just so you could fully explore to it and not miss out on opportunities dur to underdeveloped skills. So we played different sports, read books one every subject, did tons of crafts, and played lots of musical instruments.

While the guitar was among those instruments you most played with, I suspect your favorite was the drums!

You had a blue and black drum set with skulls and bones on it, as well as two drumsticks. It was part of a set that I think included a harmonica, tambourine and a whistle. You also had a flute (technically it was a "recorder") and a toy guitar.

You'd pretend to be Ringo and would sing all kinds of tunes while banging on the drums at all different beats and levels of intensity. I've always had a little trouble hearing in my left ear, so as long as you practiced on the drums to the left of me, I had no problem with you playing to your hearts content!

Will I write back to you?

As we've part for so long now, you might wonder if I received a letter/email for you, if would I write back. It's a common question that many children have when separated from a parent. Maybe you're not asking it, but I'd like to answer anyway, just in case.

The answer is "Yes, I would." Depending on what you write, I might take a day or two to answer, as I need to consider your safety in how I get the response to you. There are people who do not want us to be together, and should they discover that I've emailed or written you, I fear that you might be wrongly punished.

What will I write? I will tell you all what I'm doing for work, where I'm living, my personal projects, if I'm involved with someone. I will answer your questions, all of them, to the best of my ability. I will tell you how you can safely reach me/get into contact with me (even though this website conains that info). I will ask questions of you - where you are living, what you like about school, what are your favorite hobbies/sports/activities, who your friends are, what you hope to be when you grow up, and more based on your age.

Most importantly, I will try to assure you that I love you - that I always have, that I do now, and that I always will.

So yes, go ahead and write that letter or send that email. I am waiting for it.

Remember all those fun bathtimes?

One of the thousands of great things about you as a preschooler was that I never had trouble getting you to take a bath. Of course, I made sure it was lots of fun!

First, we had lots of bubbles. Bubble bath always was on my list of items that had to stay in stock in the house. And I wasn't stingy with the bubble bath, either - we went through a bottle a week! We'd fill up the bathtub with water, and good couple of inches of it were bubbles!

Next, I made sure you had lots of bath toys to play with. There were foam letters and numbers that you could stick to the wall when they were wet. There also were plastic Star Wars characters that you you could have adventures with. And there were some Thomas the Train engines, a crocodile, and a Little Einsteins rocket ship that all were water-worthy.

In addition, though I'd ask you over and over not to do it, I let you splash water all across the bathroom floor. I was only really concerned if the water got onto hallway carpet, which is why I had to keep you from "oversplashing." Usually I just cleared the rugs out of the bathroom befor eyou got into the tub and let you splash to your heart's content - it was a good excuse for me to scrub the floor (actually, I was just drying it!).

Finally, I didn't waste a lot of time fussing over you with a good cleaning. We quickly washed your hair and then I'd have you close your eyes while I took care of your face. But you spent so long in the bubble-filled bathtub splashing around that the dirt just came off you all on your own accord!

Sports I participated in as a kid

Now that you're off to kindergarten, there are all kinds of little league and intramural sports you might be interested in participating in: soccer, basketball, flag football, softball, and who knows what else?

Living out in the country on the farm when growing up, I didn't take part in too many sports. I liked to play football and basketball during recess and in the backyard with my little brother. During sixth grade, we did have a basketball team at elementary school, but with it being our first year, we didn't win many games! Your grandpa helped coach the team.

In seventh grade, I participated in track and field during spring. I ran the 100 yard hurdles and did some pole vaulting. I think I did some broad jumping as well.

Then in eighth grade I was on the football team. I mainly played linebacker, though sometimes I was an offensive lineman (usually a guard or tackle) or a defensive lineman.

Once I got into high school, though, I didn't participate in sports, opting instead to joing the debate team. I did announce the high school's wrestling, basketball (both boys and girls), and track meets, though.

What kinds of sports do you like to play?

Your name and picture are in another article - again!

Your name and picture are onlien again! Wisconsin Outdoor Fun ran an article about my latest book, “Hikes with Tykes: Games and Activities” on Monday, Aug. 20. The article includes an excerpt from Chapter 3 of the book, listing nature-oriented games that can be played on the trail with children.

Wisconsin Outdoor Fun is owned by Gannett, which operates several newspapers in central and eastern Wisconsin, including Green Bay, Appleton, Wausau, Sheboygan, Oshkosh, Fond du Lac, Manitowoc, Wisconsin Rapids, Stevens Point, Marshfield and Door County. It covers a range of outdoor news from ATVing and boating to hunting and fishing, from cycling and skiing to hiking and camping. I should note that I worked as news editor for three years at the Manitowoc paper during the early 2000s - I'll have to tell you all about he places I worked in a future entry.

Journal entry from 2009 about carrying you

Today, a journal entry from my autumn 2009 journal, about you becoming too big to be carried.

Yesterday I carried you during the entire Seaside Highland Festival, an act on my part that demonstrates a continued obsession with the pasing of days (Sounds like a great title for a book, doesn't it - "The Passing of Days"?).

On one hand, carrying you was simply a practical matter - you;re getting much too large for the stroller, and unbuckling you from it each time you want to walk or see something is burdensome. But my real motivation is carrying all 30 pounds of you was to savor these last few weeks while I still can. There is something powerfully comforting in having your body tucked against my side, in having your arm wrapped about my shoulder.

You enjoy being carried, of course, likely because you're able to see better when your eyes are at the same level as mine, but I believe you also find being close to me comforting as well. I suppose, practically speaking, that walking all that way is burdensome for you, so that is motivation as well. But even when in a stroller you want tobe held and carried at times, even if you have na unobstructed view before you.

I must admit thanks to all of this carrying, my arms have never been so thick and well-toned since the last time I regularly worked out years ago. But even an athlete must take a break or his workout will backfire. Such pain is nothing, though, compared to what I felt today: At the park, you walked to the playground and then back to the Keep all by yourelf - a bittersweet moment of pride for me as a father... (Oct. 12, 2009)

Recall reading 'Knuffle Bunny Free'?

And now for the last installment about the suite of Knuffle Bunny books we read together in early 2012: "Knuffle Bunny Free." In this book, Trixie and her parents travel to Holland to visit Oma and Opa - except Trixie leaves Knuffle Bunny on the plane. Trixie learns to live without Knuffle Bunny ... then when she returns home, she finds him on the plane. In an act of altruism, she gives Knuffle Bunny to a crying baby.

There are some great pictures in the book. Among my favorite is Trixie sticking out her tongue after she tries Opa's coffee at the cafe. There's also a great line in which the baby to whom Trixie gives Knuffle Bunny says "Aggle Plaggie?" when she first offers him her stuffie.

It's a tearjerker book, really. The epilogue shows Trixie growing up and receiving Knuffle Bunny in the mail for her own toddler. I can't express enough to you the mix of deep, powerful emotions a parent feels watching their child grow up, and I certainly miss every minute we're apart in which I do not see you mature and learn about the world. When you're a parent yourself on day, I'm certain you'll understand.

Recall reading 'Knuffle Bunny Too'?

After reading the previous entry about enjoying "Knuffle Bunny" together, you're probably saying, "Hey, what about the other books in the series?" There were indeed two more books. The second one was "Knuffle Bunny Too."

Trixie is now older and in pre-K. Upon bringing Knuffle Bunny to school, though, she finds that a classmate, Sonja, ALSO has a Knuffle Bunny. When Trixie and Sonja fight all morning about their bunnies, the teacher takes the stuffies away. She gives them back at the end of the school day, but the bunnnies are switched - something Trixie doesn't realize until the middle of the night.

I always liked the section near the beginning when Trixie lists who she's going to show Knuffle Bunny to when she gets to pre-K. My name, Jane's name (who I was going out with when you and I first read the book), and the names of your two cousins (Rebecca and Brian, though your cousins spell their names differently) are among those Trixie lists! You always liked that Trixie had to play escape the Mommy and Daddy robots from planet Snurp!

Tomorrow: "Knuffle Bunny Free"

Remember 'Knuffle Bunny' book?

One of the last books we enjoyed together before your mother took you away was the "Knuffle Bunny" series by Mo Willems. We read it when I'd moved from Encinitas to Lancaster (into "Drew Breezes'" house). You loved the book so much that you had me read it over and over to you.

You even memorized some of the lines, and we'd play act them out when together:
YOU: "Aggle flaggle klabble!"
ME: "That's right, we're going home."
YOU: Aggle flaggle klabble!! Blaggle plabble! Wumpy flappy?! Snurp."
ME: "Now don't get fussy."
YOU: Waaaa!
And we'd both laugh.

The book was a lot of fun for me in some ways you might not realize. It shows Trixie playing with the clothes at the laundromat and her daddy picking her up so she can put money in the washers. That's just like what we did when you were oneyear-old and we lived in an apartment with a laundry room.

Recall playing Hungry Hungry Hippos?

One of the games you most enjoyed playing as a preschooler with me was Hungry Hungry Hippos. I'm certain you remember it: Players could shoot out a marble (or more) and then had to try to capture it by "eating" it with a hippo.

You always like to change which color hippo you played with each round. I never put the stickers on the gameboard as the picture at right shows, but otherwise it's exactly what our game looked like.

I always loved playing games with you - not only were you good at them so I didn't have to worry about "throwing" them to give you a handicap (You'll understand the need to do this when you're a daddy.) - but I didn't really have many games to play when I was growing up, especially when your age. I had no siblings until I was 4-1/2, so he wasn't old enough to play games until I was in third grade or so. My mother wasn't a game player either; competition wasn't her thing. So playing games with you was like getting to be a kid all over again!

The game did make lots of racket as those springs for the hippo mouths and the chomping of their jaws were quite loud, so sometimes I had to say "No more!" - especially when I started getting a headache!

Yes, you're in yet another article!

Yep, your picture is in yet another article: This time Seattle Backpackers Magazine ran my article “How to Select a Good Trail for a Child” in its Tuesday edition.

The article examines factors to consider – such as length, elevation gains and dangers – when identifying a trail to day hike with kids (All lessons I learned from hiking with you!). It contains a picture of you playing with your cowboy rifle at the Mormon Rocks near Victorville, Calif., I think from late 2011 (There's a photo album of it on Facbeook) plus another pic of the trail we walked.

Seattle Backpackers Magazine is a popular and well-respected online magazine focusing on backpacking, hiking, climbing and camping. Your picture has been in it a couple of times before when my articles ran in it!

What’s your favorite color?

More than three months have now passed since your mother has let me see or speak with you. I find myself wondering how you've changed during that time - Are you taller? Have you lost your first tooth? What new books have you read? What is your favorite color?

When you were a toddler and during most of your preschool years, green was your favorite color. I'm not certain why. Perhaps since we lived in the desert, green was a rare color and so the novelty excited you or the prettiness of some places we visited where green was omnipresent (like the mountains or ocean coast) left an impression. But if given a choice of clothing, Matchbox cars or some other item, you inevitably picked the green one!

Once you turned four and started attending preschool, blue because your favorite color. Again, not certain why, though I'd agree with your taste for blue is my favorite color, too! And perhaps not as much with green, if given a choice of clothing or toy, you inevitably picked the blue one!

What is your favorite today?

Song lyrics from when you were a baby

Kieran, Halloween 2007, in Eureka, Calif.

Some song lyrics for you today - a song that was quite popular when you were a baby. I always think of you whenever I hear it, especially when you'd crawl in my lap and face me while we lived in Eureka, Calif., where lots of rain fell.

"Bubbly"
(Colbie Caillat)

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place

[Chorus:]
And it starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

[Chorus]

But what am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just mmmmm

And they start in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

And it starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feeling shows
'Cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Wherever wherever wherever you go
Wherever wherever wherever you go

Wherever you go
I always know
'Cause you make me smile
Even just for a while

Your picture, name appear in article

You've made the web once again, Kieran - this time in an article at the Brave Ski Mom blog. It includes a picture of you when we went hiking in April 2011 at Vasquez Rocks (the famous "Kirk rocks" with "Gorn Rock" behind you), and you in arms at the Vetter Mountain lookout tower in August 2009, as well the "Hikes with Tykes" book covers that you're on. The article also mentions you a few times! I've printed a copy of it for you. Can't wait for us to be together ahead so we can do some great hikes!

My journals that you may inherit...

The last couple of days I typed entries about you from my journals of October 2009. As someone who's loved to write since he was in second grade and to make up and tell stories even before I went to school, I have a lot of journals and folders - both paper and on computer - containing my writings. Many are just loose notes and descriptions of places and items, done more to practice and master the craft of writing. Some are short stories, with quite a few of them in desperate need of a rewrite and others waiting to be finished. You'll also find inthere three or four novel manuscripts, some poetry, a couple of starts to plays, and lots of outlines, especially for essays.

I've asked your grandma to keep all of them for you should anything ever happen to me. The writings probably are of limited monetary value, but they do contain my thoughts going back decades before you were born, so in some small way they will provide a connection to me. She will give them to you when you are old enough; should she pass before them, Uncle Chris will keep them for you.

I do imagine that one day you'll become a writer - not out of my personal vanity - but because you have all of the makings of a good writer: an active, creative imagination; a love of stories; a way with words. Should you come across some striking image in my journals that would fit your story or decide that you know exactly how to finish one of those many stories, feel free to use it as your own. It is my small gift to you, my way of being there for you though the fates have conspired against us.

A description of you sleeping in my lap

Looking through the journal I kept from autumn 2009, here's another entry about you, dated Oct. 10, 2009. You were only two at the time but closing on three:

This afternoon you slept in my arms as I sat in the living room recliner, reading Marilynne Robinson's "Gilead." Though the time for me to begin dinner had passed, I could not bear to rise and wake you; you looked so peaceful with your head crooked into my arm and side tucked against my waist. Regardless, we will not have too many more days like this, for you already are just a bit too long to fit comfortably on my lap in that chair, but you're still able to manage it with the bending of legs and slight contortion of the torso.

Upon finishing a section of the novel, I gazed down at you to relish the sweet moment, only to find sweat beaded upon your temple and bove your upper lip. You could not have been hot, for a cool breeze swept through the open windows on this mild autumn day. "He must be having a bad dream," I thought, and this worried me for there really was no way to make the dream stop other than wake you, and - perhaps more worrisome to me - I had no way of knowing what frightened you so in your sleep. You are beginning to imagine the world in way I cannot fathom.

I gently brushed the beaded sweat away with a finger, first the temple, then above the mouth, and finally along your sideburns where new drops had formed. You twitched, but it wasn't enough to wake you, though I must have broken the dream for you did not sweat again.

A description of us spinning around

Found an old journal entry I wrote about us, dated Oct. 9, 2009, and thought I'd share it with you today:

We spin around, my arms stretched out, yours close to your sides, and golden sunlight streams through the window across us. First there is the dining room table then the doorway into the kitchen, then the window, then the bright glint in your eye, and you giggle - most likley from the deleriousness that spinning brings, but I also like to think from the gleam of sunlight in my eyes.

Then I deliberately collapse - in part, I tell myself, to ensure you do, too, so you don't fall from dizziness and bump your head against the oak bookcase or a table leg. As I lay on the floor, the ceiling above twirls, and for a split second I close my eyes to stop the motion. You're still spinning with a child's constitution - or maybe you just don't know the danger that total inebriation from such spinning can hold, Or maybe you're fully aware of it and inviting it, testing your limits as children are wont to do. You've become too complex for me to really know the answer. I guess you're finally becoming your own person.

Then you're atop me, collapsing acros my stomach, bracing your fall and laughing heartily, and the slap of your torso against mine breaks me from my reeling as my eyes shoot open. "Do again? Do again?" you shout, and we rise back into the sunlight, my arms stretched out, yours close to your sides, and spin again.

Remember 'War Between the Vowels ...'

This certainly had to be among your three or four favorite books as a preschooler: "The War Between the Vowels and the Consonants." In addition to the wonderfully colorful pictures, it was the kind of story that even an adult could enjoy reading over and over.

The book centers on two classes of letters - the stuffy vowels and the rough and tumble consonants - who don't get along very well with one another. Their differences soon spiral out of control into a war. The y's are a house divided.

Eventually, though, chaos appears on the horizon. The vowels and the consonants alone can't stop chaos. But working together, they form words and sentences and tell chaos to "STOP". The youngest y came up with the great idea.

You loved the book so much that it was one of the few I made sure to save when forced to move back to the Midwest. I can't wait to read it to you again!

Visiting Mojave Space and Air Port

Remember our many trips to the Mojave Space and Air Port? Every month they held a fly-in in which we could get a close-up look at planes and sometimes other vehicles. We usually went to seven or eight of them a year; photo albums of them are posted on my Facebook site (Here's the last one we went to.).

The space and air port was a unique facility where a lot of research into going into space occurred. It's best known as the airport that launched SpaceShip One, the first non-government craft to carry a civilian astronaut into space. And it was just 20 miles from where we lived in Lancaster/Palmdale!

We started going to the fly-ins in 2009, so here's a list of some of my favorite memories of the fly-ins over the years:
10) Watching the robot battles during a special competition there
9) Touring the hangars and research facilities on the flightline
8) Getting to ride a garden train a local club set up one weekend
7) Seeing SpaceShip Two up close
6) Eating at the diner (and later Denny's or McDonalds) after visiting all of the planes
5) Playing in an APC on display there one year
4) Getting our names and pictures into the newspaper (This occurred many times  - and I have all of the copies!)
3) You getting to sit in the cockpits when owners were near their planes
2) Taking tram rides around the airport
1) Meeting Michael Dorn, who played Worf on "Star Trek" (He autographed a Worf action figure for you!)

One day we'll get to go to air shows together again - I can't wait!

Drawings found in my backpack

Was cleaning out my backpack - the one I used to carry all of our stuff in when we went on weekend trips after we gave up the stroller - and found some neat things of ours tucked in an interior pocket, both from our time at Disneyland last winter.

First were two puppet bats that we could color when we visited Woody's ranch house. They were both ones I colored - a Captain Kirk and a Mr. Spock bat! The wings are the colors of their uniforms and have their rank braids on the tips.

Second was a color picture you'd drawn there of the three stars in our cowboy adventures - Sheriff Jack, Lone Ranger and Bad Bart. They're stick figures, but I notice you colored Bad Bart in a black clothing. The picture is dated Feb. 5, 2012 (I always dated your pictures!); that would have been the Sunday before Jane came out to visit the first time (You met her later that week at Barnes and Noble and we spent a couple of days in Santa Clarita).

I need to get a new printer/scanner as my old one doesn't allow me to scan pictures into my laptop (my laptop's operating system is too advanced!), but rest assured, I have the items in a tote for you to look at one day!

Recall your Scooby Doo haunted house?

One of your favorite toys to play with as a preschooler was a Scooby Doo haunted house playset. The doors opened on it, and to roam the hallways we could bring in the Scooby Doo action figures - yep, we had all five of them - on a scary adventure. Sometimes a hand would reach out from a trap door, and in another instance, the door would snap open, revealing a creepy clown.

We also had a game that was a cardboard Scooby Doo haunted house that was fun to play, but we'll do a different entry about that on another day.

The one bad thing about the haunted house playset was that it came apart easily but didn't go back together so well! We were pretty rough with our toys, so not surprisingly, it came apart often!

Among the accessories we had with the haunted house were: the five action figures of Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby; the mystery van; and a motorcycle Shaggy could drive. I also made some of the monsters/villains by printing them out and pasting them to blocks.

Some fatherly advice: Do not judge others

One day you may find yourself angry - at a bully on the playground, at a teacher who put you down, at a neighbor or relative who seems to treat you unfairly. I'd ask you to let go of your anger, for it only will serve to harm you.

"How can I 'let go' of my anger?" you're probably asking. I'm afraid there's no easy answer to that. You probably feel justified in your anger.

This justification is based in your beliefs about how people should behave, Kieran, and these "shoulds" lead you to judge. If you always remember not to judge others, you can maintain your beliefs but lose your anger.

If you insist upon judging others, though, then your will find your anger growing so that almost no one ever can live up to your values or expectations. As others will judge you (rightly or wrongly), should you judge them in return, you soon will find yourself at odds with them - and soon, you will find yourself at odds with everyone and everything.

No one is perfect, and the world is flawed. Yes, it could be improved, and we have a duty to make the world a better place to live. But we cannot hold others in low esteem for it. Indeed, doing soonly makes the world an even worse place.

Remember our old acoustic guitar?

Was listeneing to an old encore edition of "American Top 40" from my teen years and heard the old hard rocking guitar-heavy song "My Sharona" by The Knack. Rather than think about those awkward, clumsy teen years, your love of my guitar came to my mind.

I unfortunately don't have that acoustic guitar anymore; a string broke on it, and when forced to move back to the Midwest to fight for custody of you, I had to leave a lot beyond. With a broken string on it, I decided a better guitar awaited me in the future (It was just a cheap Adam Levine acoustic guitar bought at Target - very pretty looking, a good guitar to learn on, but not one to play at a concert!).

You always liked to strum it and make up songs, pretending to be one of the Beatles! I bought you a play guitar that was more your size at a festival near San Diego during summer 2011, but alas, its string broke, too, as it was more of a toy than anything.

When we get together again and I settle into my place, I'll have to pick us up each an acoustic guitar to play. Though I know some very basic chords, I'm not much of a guitar player, never having made the time to learn it all too well. Maybe we'll have to figure it all out together. Sounds like a great way to spend an afternoon (or even a few of them!)!

A poem about penguins for you

Read a poem today and instantly thought of you - it was Pablo Neruda's "Magellanic Penguin." Usually Neruda writes passionate love poetry (I can't wait to see what you think of it when you're older - much older, BTW!), so his penguin poem isn't particularly well known.

The reason it reminded me of you, of course, is because you really loved penguins after you turned five or so. I bought you toy figure penguins and a penguin stuffie; in fact, I think we even went to the Aquarium of the Pacific once just because I knew they'd have penguin stuffies there (Or did we get a stuffie seal pup there? I can't remember.). There also was a pegnuin video from the library that you really liked; one of the penguins was called Ringo, I think.

Anyway, here's the penguin poem:

Magellanic Penguin

Neither clown nor child nor black
nor white but verticle
and a questioning innocence
dressed in night and snow:
The mother smiles at the sailor,
the fisherman at the astronaunt,
but the child child does not smile
when he looks at the bird child,
and from the disorderly ocean
the immaculate passenger
emerges in snowy mourning.

I was without doubt the child bird
there in the cold archipelagoes
when it looked at me with its eyes,
with its ancient ocean eyes:
it had neither arms nor wings
but hard little oars
on its sides:
it was as old as the salt;
the age of moving water,
and it looked at me from its age:
since then I know I do not exist;
I am a worm in the sand.

the reasons for my respect
remained in the sand:
the religious bird
did not need to fly,
did not need to sing,
and through its form was visible
its wild soul bled salt:
as if a vein from the bitter sea
had been broken.

Penguin, static traveler,
deliberate priest of the cold,
I salute your vertical salt
and envy your plumed pride.

- Pablo Neruda

Recall reading 'Slide and Find Trucks'?

Am unpacking and repacking a number of your childhood books and belongings as I settle into my new place, and came across what had to be your favorite book as a 2 year old: "Slide and Find Trucks."

It was a great book in which I could ask you questions like "Which truck is red?" and then you'd look on the next page and choose among one of the four colors and slide a piece of cardboard to see if you'd selected the right truck! On another page, you had to decide which closeup of a truck was a cement mixer, car transporter, etc.; on another page you got to select the truck's name, and then finally decide which driver drove which truck.

You loved the book, and it was a wonderful way to teach you basic colors, letters, and other cognitive skills. Sometimes I had to help you pull the slider as they were a little stiff for such small hands to (Trust me, we moved those sliders so many times that none of them are stiff now!).

Eventually you memorized all of the answers, and you be the little jokester that you were deliberately picked the wrong answer! I always played along with you or would pretend to be all exasperated at your wrong answer, causing you to laugh to no end!