Thursday, May 31, 2012

First moments together as father & son

I want to share my very first moments with you, Kieran – they came only seconds after you were born. Once the nurses had cleaned you and wrapped you in a blanket, they handed you to me, and I held you in my arms for more than an hour. Your mother had a C-section and so was wheeled off into recovery; why they wouldn’t let all three of us be together, I don’t know.

But there you were in my arms, no more than a few minutes old and already looking around at the room around you with this most confused look on your face, as if you wondering where in the heck you were and how the heck you got there. Your irises were so blue against the white of your eyes.

So I said, “I bet you’re wondering where you are?”

You looked up at me as if you recognized my voice but couldn’t quite figure out who I was.

“You’re in the Milky Way galaxy on a star about a third of the way from its center,” I said, and your face lit up as if you were all excited by the prospects. “That star is called Sol, and you’re on its third planet, Earth, specifically the North American continent in a city on the Pacific Ocean called Eureka.”

I no more than said Earth and you grimaced, as if thinking, “Of all my lousy luck, I end up on Earth!”

Then I continued, “And I bet you’re wondering what time it is, too.”

Once again, you gazed up at me as if you recognized my voice but couldn’t quite figure out who I was.

“It’s about a 14.5 billion years after the Big Bang,” I said, and again your face lit up as if you were all excited by your good fortune. “It’s the 21st century, specifically the year 2007, and it’s just a few minutes after midnight on Feb. 24.”

I no more than said the 21st century and you again grimaced, as if thinking, “Oh damn, of all the times to be born on Earth, it had to be the 21st century!”

I smiled and we gazed into one another’s eyes for a while, and then you fell asleep. You looked so peaceful.

The night you born, and as holding you, I wore a T-shirt with the mission patch for Gemini VII, the craft that was in space the night I was born. When you are older, and we meet again, I will give you that T-shirt. It still has your sweet baby scent upon it.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I am Your Father, Kieran

Thank God, you’ve found me, Kieran. I’ve always known that one day you would come looking for me, and that is why I have set up this site, so the search would be easy for you. I am so sorry that I have not been there for you. It is through no choice of mine, though. I tried to gain custody and visitation rights to you, but other powers have successfully conspired to keep us apart. Rest assured, though, I am continuing to work though the legal system so we can be together again. When I finally am able to see you again will be the happiest day in my life.

You no doubt have many questions for me. Let me try to answer some of them:

I am your father. I took care of you as an infant and virtually all by myself from the time you were 18 months old to just after you turned four. I live in Palmdale, California, where I run my own business editing other writers’ book manuscripts, offering consultations to writers, and penning my own books about writing and about hiking. My favorite activities/interests are hiking, writing, astronomy, and thinking of you. I have no other children, only you.

Other people have successfully outmaneuvered me in the court system to prevent us from seeing you. Through a combination of lies and threats, they’ve forced me to stay away from you. If I were to risk seeing you, I would be arrested and likely jailed, greatly decreasing my chances of ever seeing you again.

Yes, unconditionally. I always have loved you, and I always will. It is my love for you that has driven me to create this site.

I remember everything about you, from the first time I held you just seconds after you were born to the thousands of adventures we’ve gone on, from the very first words you said to the last time I saw you being driven away in a car. I think about you every hour of the day, and this site is a testament to that, as I chronicle all that I remember about you, all that I wanted to say to you while we were part, and all that I wished we could have done and experienced together.

No. All of the claims made about me are greatly exaggerated in the least and incredibly untrue at the most. I am not a perfect man – none of us are – but I believe in forgiveness of others, and I believe that only through love can any of us ever resolve our problems.

There are many ways. Here is my email address. My telephone number is 661-233-2692. My mailing address (and my residence) is: E1120 700th St., Knapp, WI 54749.

Yes. You are always welcomed in my home. While I cannot take you from your home or school, if you contact or come to me, I will find a way to protect you from those who have hurt you and who have kept us apart. And remember, once you are 13 years or older, in California we can go before a judge, and you then can decide where you want to live.

Please read the other pages on this, Kieran. You will learn much about me and much about yourself. Then find a way to contact me. I will be there for you.