Home is your soft place to land

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to listen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

Office politics, school bullies, rush-hour traffic…where is one to go these days to find a little peace of mind?

Home ought to be a soft place where we can land. It is the comfortable place where our inner needs can be addressed.

When the outside world stresses us, our fears and insecurities rise to the surface. We fear for our job, we worry about not being to get a good grade, we fret that we’re not valuable (Otherwise that driver certainly would have shown us respect by not cutting us off on the freeway!).

Home is where we can decompress. It feels secure, allowing us to relax and recuperate. That gives us the right frame for us to be mindful of our stresses and needs, to calm our screaming inner voice.

We then are more centered…and able to face the multiple challenges that the world tosses at us.  

Learn something new every day

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to lisen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

As we go through life, we have a tendency to focus on a few narrow paths: our careers, our immediate family, our college major, our community. Each of those areas certainly is enough to keep us busy!

They may not be enough, though.

Often we feel unfulfilled because we do nothing but work, raise our kids, study a specific field, live in one small area. We desire to get away from it all for a while. This is necessary to keep our minds fresh.

We don’t necessarily have to travel long distances or abandon all we find comfortable to reboot our mental and emotional health, though. Oftentimes the solution is as simple as learning a little something new every day.

Picking up new knowledge also may be paramount to maintaining a job, family and community. With new information, we can bring a different perspective to work problem, parenting, and local issues. With new information, we can better adapt to new situations because we’re no longer trapped by the notion of “But we’ve always done it this way.” With new information, we’re better able to think creatively. This all occurs because when we actively learn new stuff, our understanding of how the world operates broadens. We gain an understanding that transcends our everyday lives.

How can you learn something new? It’s easy. Google a word. Open a dictionary to a random page and find the first word you don’t know. Go someplace you’ve never been before. Talk to someone who specializes in something you know nothing about. Take a class. Listen to public radio. Attend a lecture. Read a book.

What new thing will you learn today?

Always pursue your dreams

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to listen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

If you meet people who are perpetually grumpy or cynical, they probably aren’t happy with themselves. They view their life as a failure, their job and home as something they must endure.

Most likely, they lack an important quality that people who generally are happy and positive possess: They don’t have a dream.

A vision for our future, of a place where we want to ultimately end up, can be a significant motivator in lives. It gives us purpose. That purpose in turn then shapes our daily decisions. We decide to save money, to study harder, to take a second job, to master new skills all to pursue our dream.

More importantly, the journey to achieving a dream also will build character and strengthen your willpower.

For example, if a woman and your dream is to slim down from a size 20 to a size 4, envisioning what you’ll  look like in a mirror, the great clothes you could wear, the compliments you will receive, and the looks of admiration from men you will get, can help you through difficult times. For example, if you have a bad day at work or just had another difficult phone conversation with your mother, rather than turning to a bowl of ice cream to alleviate your emotional pain, you instead can use that vision of what you’ll look like when slim to hold off from indulging.

If a man and your dream is to own a sports car, envisioning yourself driving that car, the happy smile of your girlfriend as she sits in the passenger seat, and the nods of respect you’ll get from other men you pass on the road, can help you through tough times. For example, when you get a bad grade on a test or a girl turns you down for a date, rather than going out drinking with the guys to deal with the depression, you instead can use your vision of turning that key in the ignition of your beautiful sports car to keep from wasting money on beer (Alcohol will just exacerbate your bad feelings anyway!).

Indeed, you may never ever own that 16-room mansion or actually reach the summit of Mount Everest – but your efforts to do so will provide an incredible payoff.

And should you achieve your dream, you’ll find that the next one you pursue will be all that much easier to obtain.    

Always believe in yourself

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to lisen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

Perhaps the most important gift any person ever can give is to believe in yourself. That may sound kind of selfish, but ultimately it’s what’s best for everyone.

As the old saying goes, if you do not believe in yourself, who will? After all, achieving anything of value requires some level of self-confidence. Even when no one else believes in you, an inner certainty that you can persevere and ultimately be victorious will carry you through difficult times and lead to success.

You cannot be personally happy if you do not believe in yourself. When wracked by self-doubt, you ultimately become depressed or grumpy. No one wants to be around someone who’s like that all of the time. By not believing in yourself, you actually push people away, which further feeds your isolation and self-doubt.

In addition, by grumpy and gloomy can affect other people for the worse by causing them to respond curtly to you and others. Your little black raincloud spreads across the sky of other people! Now imagine what would occur if you instead presented a sunny happiness upon others. Their moods would improve. The result in a nicer world to live in…and people who are more supportive of you when you need help and encouragement!

Always find a purpose to guide you

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to lisen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

All too often what holds us back from experiencing happiness is that we lack purpose. Without purpose, though, anything we do and everything we encounter will feel meaningless. It’s a quick route to depression, anger and trouble.

We need purpose in life to guide and excite us. If our purpose is to provide for our family, getting up early on a cold morning to go to work so there’s money to pay for food and a roof over your children’s heads is not only easier, it’s looked forward to. When troubled times come, a purpose gives us the strength to persevere.

Many people will tell you what your purpose is in life – to serve God, to help others, to serve country, to pursue the truth, and so on. They may be right. For such people, at the very least, what they profess is their purpose works for them. It may not be right for you, though…and you are the only one who can determine your purpose.

Finding purpose is easier than you might think. Begin by making a list of the people you admire (e.g., Mother Theresa, Peyton Manning, and your teacher Mr. Johnson) and list at least one character trait about them that causes you to regard them so highly (e.g. selfless=Mother Theresa, cool under pressure=Peyton Manning, caring=your teacher). Next, make a list of things you feel passionate about (e.g. sports, traveling, cancer-stricken sister). Then compare the lists. Is there something that you feel passionate about in which you can strive to uphold a character trait of one of the people you admire (e.g. a selfless person might become a coach; a caring person might become nurse who takes care of the ill)? You now have a purpose (to be a coach who selflessly mentors children so they can avoid a life of poverty or crime; to be a medical professional who ensures the ill do need needlessly suffer and are healed).

Always forgive others for wronging you

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to lisen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

Once someone has wronged us, our natural reaction is to protect ourselves. This means being punitive and distrustful of the person who hurt us. We probably are angry at them and want justice served.

While we should make clear to this person that what they did caused pain and is not permissible, we cannot allow our bitterness and resentment to transform into hatred and violence. If we do, then we also become a person who wrongs others. If this chain of wronging continues, then all of us will be filled with anger and hatred for one another.

The only way to break the chain of wronging is to be forgiving. We have to let go of our anger and hatred and tell ourselves that the person who wronged us did not actually intend to or that they suffer from a calamity that led them to make a bad choice.

Forgiveness is not just a way to bring about peace in the world but is necessary to heal our own hearts. Anger destroys us emotionally by making us cynical and bitter. It destroys our physical well-being by raising our blood pressure, increasing our risk of a heart attack, and reducing our immune system’s effectiveness.

How can we forgive? We must consciously decide to forgive. Unfortunately, forgiveness usually does not happen with one bold statement. Our anger can be persistent. We must tell ourselves to forgive every time our anger flares, until the matter finally is settled in the heart.