To be happier, don't judge others

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to listen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

One of the most common bad habits people have is judging others. We form opinions about them based on their accent, we pick friends based on their clothing, we make fun of people because of their political and religious beliefs.

Yet, each of us is imperfect ourselves. So in judging others, we place ourselves upon a false, higher plane and demonstrate our vanity. To someone else, though, our accent is odd, our clothes not as good, and our political and religious beliefs laughable. We probably don’t appreciate their opinion about us, so just as no one else has the right to judge us, so we shouldn’t judge others.

Judging others really only creates negativity in the world. By inferring that we are better, we arrange the landscape so that others are inferior. This only leads to others feeling hurt and ultimately to conflict as they lash back in disagreement or to reassert their equality. It causes others who consider themselves superior to assert that belief over others through oppression.

When we judge others, we ultimately judge ourselves. Through our judgment, we objectify them and in doing so objectify ourselves. The judge always is the opposite of the judged. Each of us must ask ourselves: If you do not want others to objectify you, why would you objectify yourself?

This doesn’t mean that we don’t set standards to live by. But we set them for ourselves not for others. We judge our decisions and actions – not the decisions and actions of others – against the bar of those standards. So, give yourself this challenge today: Can you live up to the standard of not judging others?

If you can, you may find yourself happier.

The History of the Miami Dolphins

1973 Larry Csonka football card.

This past weekend you told me that your favorite football team was the Miami Dolphins. I found that amazing because my favorite team when I was your age was the Miami Dolphins, too!

That year the Miami Dolphins went undefeated. They're the only team that has won every single game in a season. A few teams have come close, but no one has matched it. Their quarterback was Bob Greise, their running back was Larry Csonka, and their coach was Don Shula.

The Miami Dolphins started playing football in 1966 in the American Football League. Their colors are aqua and orange.

They went to the Super Bowl three years in a row - 1971, 1972 and 1973 - and won the last two of those. With Dan Marino as quarterback, they went back to the Super Bowl in 1982 and 1985 but lost each time. My favorite years of the Dolphins were those in the warly 1970s, though, and after they started getting different players and losing during the late 1970s, I wasn't much into them.

Do you remember baking cookies?

Do you remember all of the cookies we baked when living in the green house in Lancaster?

We used to make sugar cookies from scratch. You would help me roll out the dough, press the cookie cutter into the dough, sprinkle flour around the dough so it would roll and cut easily, and then putting sprinkles on the frosted cookies after they came out of the oven!

For each season, we made different kinds of cookies. I always like to make cookies for fall/football opener, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Easter.

All of your clothes, your hair, your face, and your hands would be absolutely covered in flour and frosting and sprinkles when we were all done, so I always had you take a bath afterward! Then when you got all clean, you'd get to enjoyed the warm, freshly frosted and decorated cookies!

Our day at the Mall of America

I had so much fun with your yesterday, Kieran!

We spent the day at the Mall of America, and here is a rundown of all that we did:
>>Lunch at Johnny Rockets, where you showed me your cool new NFL sticker book.
>>Camp Ice Age, where we played carnival games, watched a cartoon, and met Sid the Sloth
>>Lego store, where we bought a new Chima lego set
>>Searched for football stickers and cards; we found some football and baseball cards at one store
>>A&W malts; we enjoyed them while playing with the football cards int he food court

Here are a whole bunch of pictures from our adventure!

Honor Your Ancestors

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to listen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

There’s an old saying from the East to “Honor your ancestors.” It’s good advice, and one that few people follow today. After all, our heritage – who our ancestors our and where they come from –tells us much about who we are today.

Quite literally, if not for our ancestors, we would not be here today. Biologically speaking, we owe them our lives. Further, where they settled and worked determined where we grew up and in what economic class and with what religious beliefs. Think deeply about the kind of person you are and the values you hold dear…they most likely match those of your ancestors.

Of course, if you’re angry about your current condition, you might very well blame our ancestors for it. Maybe it is because of them that you grew up in poverty or suffered great tragedies. But perhaps they were victims themselves. That does not excuse them from their actions, but it may explain why they made the choices they did. In any case, we are captains of our own fate. Each of us can decide how we will navigate the landscape we find ourselves in.

And where our ancestors are concerned, we are more alike than different. Our drives and interests, whether inherited genetically or taught to us in the culture of family, probably are very similar to your parents, aunts and uncles, great-grandparents and even great-great-great grandparents. Like our country, we may not always agree with everyone in it or every decision that our government makes, but we still are proud of our nation and its achievements through history. So it should be with family.

How can we go about honoring our ancestors? One way is to learn about their lives through genealogy. Many of them faced incredible hardships yet persevered to achieve what they did. Another way is to think about who you are and how you became that person through your ancestors. Often we’re not “just like dad” but also “just like grandma” and “just like “great-grandpa” and even “just like “great-great-grandma.” Finally, honor your ancestors by always doing the best you can, by making your family name one that is recognized, whether it be for its altruism, its discoveries, or its building of a community. Make your descendants proud of who their ancestors are!

 

You can learn about many of your ancestors at a special website I have built for you, Kieran's Family Tree.

Do you remember your knights set?

Do you recall your Playmobil knights set? I got them for you at Christmas 2011, and we had a ball playing with them each time you visited though spring 2012.

The set consisted of three knights, a cannon, and a horse, as well as assorted shields, swords, banners, and helmets. We often played got out our other knight figures and a huge castle playset for "big battles."

I always said the banner they carried was "the Flag of King Kieran" and had them storm the castle "in the name of King Kieran!"

I still have the knight figures, but I think the cannon is gone. I'm not sure about the banners/shields and swords, though...

Always be transparent with others

Unfortunately, I am not allowed to be with you each day, Kieran, so I am unable to listen to and talk with you about your concerns and problems. Because of that, I will on occasion offer advice about moral codes to live by. Here is another such entry.

Being human, all of us make mistakes; all of us are morally imperfect. Still, we don’t like to admit our errors and faults to others, preferring to present a picture of ourselves as a good person. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to present ourselves that way, of course – that is, until we use deceit to convince others that we’re indeed a perfect person.

Rather, we always should practice transparency by being open and accountable about our past and our decisions. That doesn’t mean we have to tell everyone up front about our mistakes and poor choices. But it does require us to be honest with ourselves and with others when confronted about that past.

We can practice transparency by explaining why we made the decision we did and admitting that it was the wrong decision. This approach means we’re not defending our errors but accepting responsibility for them.

Another way to practice transparency is to not blame others for our mistakes. Each of us make our own choices, and another person’s poor decision doesn’t justify our own bad call.

Acting with transparency builds trust. It demonstrates to others that we are personally accountable and that our intention is to be a moral person. By lying, however, you only reinforce what your past bad decision suggests: That you are an immoral person merely interested in yourself.