The Six Millions Dollar Boys

Remember watching DVDs of old "The Six Million Dollar Man" and "The Bionic Woman" episodes with me? You particularly liked "The Bionic Woman," especially one in which Jamie Summers went on this dune buggy race across the desert. You'd take three little Matchbox cars and reimagine the race, pretending one car was driven by Steve Austin, another by Jamie Summers, and a third by Oscar Goldman. I'd then introduce a fourth car driven by some baddie that was trying to stop Steve, Jamie and Oscar from winning the race. I can't wait for us to be together again so I can show you that episode; I have all of "The Six Million Dollar Man" and the first season of "The Bionic Woman" on DVD.

Sometimes I'd print out coloring book pages I'd found online, and we'd color the sheets while watching the episodes! I've included here my favorite coloring page, of Steve and Jamie running together.

'Lullaby (Goodnight My Angel)'

Today a song for you, Kieran, that I heard on an old cassette tape of mine. It instantly reminded me of you...of us. I wish you were here so I could sing them to you tonight, just as I sang so many other songs to you each  night that you went to sleep:

Disneyland, April 2012

Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
Then you should always know
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep, inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die
That's how you and I will be

- Billy Joel

Your photo is online again, Kieran!

A picture of you appeared online today, Kieran - a pic of you on the cover of my first book "Hikes with Tykes: A Practical Guide to Day Hiking with Kids" in an article about that book for a Canadian magazine. The book cover photo is of you all ready to go on a hike at the head of the Manzanita Trail high in the San Gabriel Mountains of the Angeles National Forest. The trail starts at the location of an old fault line that's no longer active. On one side of the fault line is red, sedimentary soil (like what you're standing on), and on the other side is white granitic rock that is tens of millions of year old. It made for a great pic, especially with your terrific smile!

All of the anecdotes in the interview are about you. I'm specifically describing a hike you and I took through the redwoods in northern California (the diaper stuff) and one we took alongside Lake Piru (the bug crossing the road stuff). Photo albums of both hikes on on my Facebook page.

I remember well the telephone interview for this article. Jane and I had just spent the day before in Anaheim and were heading to Palmdale on the Pearblossom Highway. We were to pick you up that night for the weekend, and she was so excited to meet you for the first time! The sun shined brilliantly in the blue sky with the San Gabriels to our left ... the very same mountain range where this picture of you had been taken. The future held so much promise. It is a day I never will forget.

Your first words

I recall you being only five months old, and I'd carry you through our house in Crescent City, Calif., singing songs as puttering about. You'd listen so intently and try to mimic what I was doing, moving your mouth about, so confused at why words weren't coming out! I was so incredibly proud of you for trying so hard and so incredibly flattered that you wanted to do just what I was doing!

Your first three words were "baba," "dada" and "mama." Not too surprising given those were the three most important things to you! After that, you'd say other words, but never seemed to use them again or remember them. 

By about October 2008, your ability to speak really started to take off. Each month you mastered more and more words. I kept track of them, but within a matter of a few months, you were learning and using several words a day, and I couldn't keep up anymore!

But here's a list of words you were able to correctly say and indicate in some way that you knew what they meant:
g Oct. 2008 – moon
g Nov. 2008 – bye, bird, pickup (as in truck), truck, plane, playing, pink

g Dec. 2008 – okay, all right, why, hi, blue

I wonder what new words you're now using...

'Life is what happens to you/While you're busy making other plans'

Let me share with you the lyrics to a song written many years ago by ex-Beatle John Lennon for his son, Sean, who was almost five years old at the time. It's called "Beautiful Boy", and whenever I hear it, I always think of you. I wish I could sing it to you before you go to sleep tonight. For me, the most beautiful line of the song comes near the end in the advice John gives his son; I've found it particularly true in my own life and hope you also take it to heart: "Life is what happens to you/While you're busy making other plans." Here's the words to the song:

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here

[Chorus:]
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

[Chorus]

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

[Chorus]

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Your first football 'coach'

A couple of the neighbor boys were playing football outside with one another last night. It made me think of all the times we played football together. We didn't really keep score, just practiced skills, like tossing the ball to one another. As a father, I must tell you there's something quite relaxing about playing catch with your son inthe backyard.

Do you remember how I taught you to catch? You hold both hands out in front of you, and then when the ball arrives in them, you pull it into your chest. You got pretty good at it!

And then there were the tackling "drills," which I think you liked best. I would sit on my knees (atop a pillow if we were indoors), holding the ball in my hands, and with your shoulder you'd bash into me, wrapping both arms around my waist or chest, and knock me backward. Sometimes you'd wrap your arms around my neck, and I'd call you for a horse collar tackle penalty! You couldn't get enough of those tackling drills, and you always wore me out!

Other times you;d get to carry to ball and run at (or more smartly around) me, and I'd tried to catch you while still sitting their on my knees. You loved that, too.

I also taught you how to place kick a ball, which I held (as we didn't have a tee). And then I taught you take a handoff and to handoff the ball. Those weren't too exciting for you, though we always made it fun.

I wasn't trying to turn you into a football player (In fact, with your imagination and play acting skills, I figured you'd end up in theater or forensics as a high school student, and that's cool, too - I was in forensics and had a lot of friends in theater), but I figured every boy should know how to play football. My dad didn't have a lot of time to teach those skills to me, and I wanted to make sure you never were left out or at a disadvantage once you got to elementary school and the other boys wanted to play football.

Sure wish you were here right now to play some football. I think we could challenge those two neighbor kids to a game - and I'd bet we win!

How I miss your voice, Kieran!

Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes I've made these past five years is not recording your voice, Kieran. I have hundreds of pictures of you, but not a single audio recording of your voice, other than a brief, 10-second video of you as nine-month-old.

Oh how I miss that voice today! And your laugh. And the songs you'd sing and little sound effects you'd make as playing.

The sad irony here is that I'm actually allowed to talk to you every day - but the courts have decided that only you may initiate the phone calls. You're barely 5 years old! You don't know how to use a phone let alone have access to one. With decisions like that, is it any wonder so many people have lost their faith in the American "justice" system?

And certainly your mother and her family aren't going to suggest to you that you can ask to speak to me by phone! No doubt they've decided that it's in your "best interest" to not speak with your father.

When you are old enough to use a phone and can access one, call me. I will talk to you as long as you like. There is so much I want to tell you and so much I want to hear about you. My phone number is 661-233-2692.