Some pensive thoughts about time...

Today, my son, I'm struck once again by how fast life moves and how we cannot waste a single minute of it. Looking back at photos of us and of myself with others, the memories seem as if they were just made yesterday, though they happened months if not years ago. All too often, we let time flow by thinking that there's always tomorrow. But now that tomorrow is here, we can't recapture those days...you'll never be a preschooler again, we don't live in California, we're no longer with a person we love.

I'm glad that when with you I tried to make every minute count. We did do a lot of fun things together, went on a lot of adventures, explored many new places. Those days will come again, and we'll find new ways to have fun, hatch new adventures, and explore new locales. For the moment, though, without you here to do that, all I have is my memories, and they will have to be sweet enough to counter emptiness' bitter taste.

Christmas photos through the years

Christmas 2011

I am very sad that we do not get to spend Christmas together this year. We've had lots of fun Christmases together through the years, and I've included some photos of them (The link takes you to the 2011 photos).

We always started our holiday season by putting up the Christmas tree and decorating the house on Thanksgiving day. You always liked to help with that, especially putting the ornaments on the tree. Once the tree was all finished and the lights turned on, you'd stare at it in awe of its prettiness.

We also went to lots of different places to celebrate the holidays. Among them was Disneyland, of course, but in 2011 we also did Legoland a couple of times. Legoland was neat because it created a a special snowy area to play in - and we's go into it wearing shorts because the temperature was 72 degrees in San Diego!

I love you and miss you very much - Merry Christmas, Kieran!

Rainbows and waterways in Lancaster

You might recall that a waterway ran behind our green house when we lived in Lancaster, California. A tall brick wall separated the waterway from our yard, but every once in a while I'd lift you up high so you could see over.

Living in the desert, we never got too much rain, so there wasn't much of a flow in the waterway. You can see from one of the pictures here how little water there was, even after six days of rain (and 5 inches total!) this time in 2010!

But what's really neat about these photos is that two years ago yesterday (or on Dec. 22, 2010), the sun finally came out after those six days of rain - and we got to see some great rainbows together!

My email to you from Dec. 22, 2012

Here is my email to you sent Saturday, Dec. 22, 2012, just in case you do not receive it:

Hi Kieran,

It was so good to see you yesterday! I had a lot of fun and am very happy you enjoyed all of the presents from Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle Chris and Aunt Susie, and Santa!

I received your email as well yesterday. It was a little odd, though, as it appeared to be written earlier in the week though the date stamp was Friday night.

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I remember very well the night that you were born, and based on what Grandma and Grandpa have told me, the days we were born were very similar! I had to drive through snow to get to the hospital where your mother was, and so did my dad have to drive to the hospital to where my mother was! It also was nighttime when we drove, so it was very dark.

I appreciate that when we were together you sang the songs you did in your Christmas program. You have a wonderful voice, and I’m very impressed that you were able to remember all of those words! I am sorry I was not able to be at the programs this year, but hopefully I will be at them next year. I bet getting on the stage to sing was a lot of fun!

It is great to hear that you like the snow. You always did when we went into the mountains after a snowfall. Do you have your own sled? My school had a sledding hill behind it that we always got to use during recess, so every year I got a new sled. All of my classmates and me always decorated our sleds with magic markers, drawing cool flames or airplane symbols on them.

I’m so glad you and your classmates brought toys to the TV station. There are many children who are less unfortunate than we are and so get very little or even nothing at all for Christmas. You helped to make many other kids’ Christmas very special rather than a sad day. Giving always is more fun than receiving, though it may not seem like that at first. I wish I would have known about your school’s plans, as I would have donated toys, too, for you to deliver.

You have a wonderful Christmas, and I hope you receive all that you ask for. I miss you very much and can’t wait to see you in just a couple of weeks!

Love,

Dad

It was so good to see you again!

Opening Transformers present, Dec. 21, 2012.

I had so much fun with you this afternoon, Kieran! I'm glad we had the opportunity to play, and I'm so happy that you liked all of your presents.

The Hot Wheels cars you liked so much were from Uncle Chris and Aunt Susie. The got one more present for you, but I ran out of room for it in the tote I was carrying and I need to get batteries for it! I will bring it when we get together in January. The Imaginext superheroes, game cards, and Christmas cookies were from Grandma and Grandpa.

I really enjoyed hearing you sing the Christmas songs you did for your school program. You have a great voice, and I'm very impressed that you could remember so many words!

In a few days, I will post our Chistmas pictures online with this other set of photos, which are of our Christmases past.

Recall going on the aircraft carrier?

Sunday, Dec. 4, 2011: Manning the control center.

One year ago today we went to downtown San Diego and visited the USS Midway aircraft carrier. We'd gone there several times before, and by this time you were starting to really know your way around that old naval vessel! Among your favorite parts of the ship were:
g Conning tower - The two big areas here that you liked were the operations room where war operations were tracked (and where you liked to pretend you were a naval officer ordering the jets and other ships) and the captain's office, where a mannequin of the captain talked to you!
g Flight deck - Kids could sit in the cockpit of several jet planes and pretend to be flying them!
g Helicopters - On top of the carrier where the planes would take off were static displays of several aircraft; you always loved the helicopters because you could inside them and have pretend adventures.

There were lots of other sections we went to, including engineering, the brig, the store, and the deck for lunch.

Here's a whole bunch of pictures from our trip!

I would love to see your drawings

One of your favorite things to do when we were together was to show me your drawings - often we'd even draw or paint or color together. Seeing your artwork also was one of my favorite things to do! I remember how you liked to draw pictures of "Star Trek" characters and Army soldiers when you were four and five; I've kept many of them.

I mention this now because your cousin, Rebekah, likes to color pictures and show them to me. Last night, she drew a whole bunch of pictures and aksed me to come up with a story about them! It made me lonely for your drawings and for you.

What kinds of things to draw and color now? I'd like to see them!