Journal entry from 2009 about carrying you

Today, a journal entry from my autumn 2009 journal, about you becoming too big to be carried.

Yesterday I carried you during the entire Seaside Highland Festival, an act on my part that demonstrates a continued obsession with the pasing of days (Sounds like a great title for a book, doesn't it - "The Passing of Days"?).

On one hand, carrying you was simply a practical matter - you;re getting much too large for the stroller, and unbuckling you from it each time you want to walk or see something is burdensome. But my real motivation is carrying all 30 pounds of you was to savor these last few weeks while I still can. There is something powerfully comforting in having your body tucked against my side, in having your arm wrapped about my shoulder.

You enjoy being carried, of course, likely because you're able to see better when your eyes are at the same level as mine, but I believe you also find being close to me comforting as well. I suppose, practically speaking, that walking all that way is burdensome for you, so that is motivation as well. But even when in a stroller you want tobe held and carried at times, even if you have na unobstructed view before you.

I must admit thanks to all of this carrying, my arms have never been so thick and well-toned since the last time I regularly worked out years ago. But even an athlete must take a break or his workout will backfire. Such pain is nothing, though, compared to what I felt today: At the park, you walked to the playground and then back to the Keep all by yourelf - a bittersweet moment of pride for me as a father... (Oct. 12, 2009)

Recall reading 'Knuffle Bunny Free'?

And now for the last installment about the suite of Knuffle Bunny books we read together in early 2012: "Knuffle Bunny Free." In this book, Trixie and her parents travel to Holland to visit Oma and Opa - except Trixie leaves Knuffle Bunny on the plane. Trixie learns to live without Knuffle Bunny ... then when she returns home, she finds him on the plane. In an act of altruism, she gives Knuffle Bunny to a crying baby.

There are some great pictures in the book. Among my favorite is Trixie sticking out her tongue after she tries Opa's coffee at the cafe. There's also a great line in which the baby to whom Trixie gives Knuffle Bunny says "Aggle Plaggie?" when she first offers him her stuffie.

It's a tearjerker book, really. The epilogue shows Trixie growing up and receiving Knuffle Bunny in the mail for her own toddler. I can't express enough to you the mix of deep, powerful emotions a parent feels watching their child grow up, and I certainly miss every minute we're apart in which I do not see you mature and learn about the world. When you're a parent yourself on day, I'm certain you'll understand.

Recall reading 'Knuffle Bunny Too'?

After reading the previous entry about enjoying "Knuffle Bunny" together, you're probably saying, "Hey, what about the other books in the series?" There were indeed two more books. The second one was "Knuffle Bunny Too."

Trixie is now older and in pre-K. Upon bringing Knuffle Bunny to school, though, she finds that a classmate, Sonja, ALSO has a Knuffle Bunny. When Trixie and Sonja fight all morning about their bunnies, the teacher takes the stuffies away. She gives them back at the end of the school day, but the bunnnies are switched - something Trixie doesn't realize until the middle of the night.

I always liked the section near the beginning when Trixie lists who she's going to show Knuffle Bunny to when she gets to pre-K. My name, Jane's name (who I was going out with when you and I first read the book), and the names of your two cousins (Rebecca and Brian, though your cousins spell their names differently) are among those Trixie lists! You always liked that Trixie had to play escape the Mommy and Daddy robots from planet Snurp!

Tomorrow: "Knuffle Bunny Free"

Remember 'Knuffle Bunny' book?

One of the last books we enjoyed together before your mother took you away was the "Knuffle Bunny" series by Mo Willems. We read it when I'd moved from Encinitas to Lancaster (into "Drew Breezes'" house). You loved the book so much that you had me read it over and over to you.

You even memorized some of the lines, and we'd play act them out when together:
YOU: "Aggle flaggle klabble!"
ME: "That's right, we're going home."
YOU: Aggle flaggle klabble!! Blaggle plabble! Wumpy flappy?! Snurp."
ME: "Now don't get fussy."
YOU: Waaaa!
And we'd both laugh.

The book was a lot of fun for me in some ways you might not realize. It shows Trixie playing with the clothes at the laundromat and her daddy picking her up so she can put money in the washers. That's just like what we did when you were oneyear-old and we lived in an apartment with a laundry room.

Recall playing Hungry Hungry Hippos?

One of the games you most enjoyed playing as a preschooler with me was Hungry Hungry Hippos. I'm certain you remember it: Players could shoot out a marble (or more) and then had to try to capture it by "eating" it with a hippo.

You always like to change which color hippo you played with each round. I never put the stickers on the gameboard as the picture at right shows, but otherwise it's exactly what our game looked like.

I always loved playing games with you - not only were you good at them so I didn't have to worry about "throwing" them to give you a handicap (You'll understand the need to do this when you're a daddy.) - but I didn't really have many games to play when I was growing up, especially when your age. I had no siblings until I was 4-1/2, so he wasn't old enough to play games until I was in third grade or so. My mother wasn't a game player either; competition wasn't her thing. So playing games with you was like getting to be a kid all over again!

The game did make lots of racket as those springs for the hippo mouths and the chomping of their jaws were quite loud, so sometimes I had to say "No more!" - especially when I started getting a headache!

Yes, you're in yet another article!

Yep, your picture is in yet another article: This time Seattle Backpackers Magazine ran my article “How to Select a Good Trail for a Child” in its Tuesday edition.

The article examines factors to consider – such as length, elevation gains and dangers – when identifying a trail to day hike with kids (All lessons I learned from hiking with you!). It contains a picture of you playing with your cowboy rifle at the Mormon Rocks near Victorville, Calif., I think from late 2011 (There's a photo album of it on Facbeook) plus another pic of the trail we walked.

Seattle Backpackers Magazine is a popular and well-respected online magazine focusing on backpacking, hiking, climbing and camping. Your picture has been in it a couple of times before when my articles ran in it!

What’s your favorite color?

More than three months have now passed since your mother has let me see or speak with you. I find myself wondering how you've changed during that time - Are you taller? Have you lost your first tooth? What new books have you read? What is your favorite color?

When you were a toddler and during most of your preschool years, green was your favorite color. I'm not certain why. Perhaps since we lived in the desert, green was a rare color and so the novelty excited you or the prettiness of some places we visited where green was omnipresent (like the mountains or ocean coast) left an impression. But if given a choice of clothing, Matchbox cars or some other item, you inevitably picked the green one!

Once you turned four and started attending preschool, blue because your favorite color. Again, not certain why, though I'd agree with your taste for blue is my favorite color, too! And perhaps not as much with green, if given a choice of clothing or toy, you inevitably picked the blue one!

What is your favorite today?